Bish Bash Bosh and Away...

G’Day!

Ubud – Sydney - Melbourne

Picking up exactly where I left off, Helena showed up in Ubud late afternoon so had time for a drink and a quick catch up before packing my bag. I also donated my Lonely Planet Bali guide book to the Ubud library; that little guide is a gold mine to whoever finds it as I’ve written loads of tips inside; along with my blog web address – like a message in a bottle.

As I was just about to get into my cab to the airport, who shows up but Katie (again); unfortunately I only had time for a snappy Hello Goodbye. But this made leaving Indonesia so much harder as a small group of the people I love were still having a good time without me. What a hard time I was having; Leaving one beautiful country for the country which I had been dreaming of for so many months, Australia. Poor me.

James, Helena, me, Nikki and a Newbie outside the Shisha Lounge - quick photo to prove we bumped into each other

On arrival at the airport we had to go through security straight away, and then who do I bump into? Kim (one of the Welsh girls from Gili T), moaning about how they won’t let her buy any more fags! We sit down at a café and have a quick beer and coffee before I have to shoot off to my gate. I had bought a bottle of water and another can of Bintang for the flight, but when I got to the gate I had to go through another security pass; no liquids! So I downed the Bintang and donated my bottle of water to a family who looked like they needed it. The flight was only 5 hours, but with the time change meant I’d arrive at 6am Aussie time – 3am Indonesian time. It felt like I only had an hours sleep before we had arrived.

I had already booked up a hostel for a few nights, and thankfully it came with a shuttle bus ride from the airport so I jumped on that and headed for “Jackaroo’s”. Now during my previous adventures I’ve only had to stay in one hostel before, and that was in Ko Tao where I met some smashing people and the hostel wasn’t too shabby. But I had heard some nightmare stories about the Aussie hostels; bed bugs, bad roommates etc etc. Well I can tell you that that is certainly not the case with Jackaoo’s.

It may be in the middle of the red light district (is that a bad thing?) but it is a brand new five floor hostel, which has free wifi, internet, help-yourself breakfast, pool, foosball the lot! It’s nice and clean and the people are averagely friendly; there’s a number of long termers here – 6 weeks, 7 months etc etc, so some people aren’t too bothered about meeting anyone “new”. Especially like me who is staggered at how different everything is. For example, I saw a board outside a bar advertising cocktails at only $10 during happy hour – that’s pretty much £6.50 for a cocktail, they shouldn’t be advertising that! Also, what is it with the Aussies being different – what is wrong with a Pint or half Pint, simple right? No, they have the half pint – but they call it a “Middy” (285ml), then a “Schmiddy” (350ml), a “Schooner” (425ml) and a Pint (570ml). Going up to the bar and asking for a “Schooner” makes me think I’m a kid in a sweet shop asking for the latest sugar rush. But it’s cheaper than a pint, so I’ll keep my mouth shut and feel like a kid.

So I arrived at the hostel, dumped my bag and shot off around the town – hoping to sort my camera out at the Sony store. Turns out the warranty you get when you buy Sony Camera’s is only valid in the country you bought it from. Everywhere in the world issues a Sony Tourist warranty, apart from in Europe – so now I either have to send the camera home to the folks to try and sort out – or go through my insurance company. God this is interesting isn’t it?

I took a walk through the city, and Hyde Park, down to Opera Quays which looks out on to Sydney Cove (where majority of tourist boats leave from). Opera Quays has a fantastic view of Harbour Bridge so I took a few snaps and the headed round closer to the bridge to see The Rocks (oldest European settlement) and take photos of the Opera house itself.

St Mary's Cathedral

Random roundabout - a car crushed by a huge rock with a face on it.

Harbour Bridge

Panoramic from under the Harbour Bridge

Me with the Opera House

Yep there it is again

Central Business District

Walking back on myself I stopped for a rest and passed out for an hour – the flight was taking its toll on me. I woke up with the warmth of the sun on my back, got up and carried on round right up to the Opera House itself. It was here that I had to question myself as to where exactly I was because I was surrounded by Chinese people, mostly couples. And of these couples the majority of them were wearing exactly the same clothes, same Tshirt, jeans and even shoes (mostly trainers but I did see a couple in matching loafers!) I found this hilarious, but it actually makes sense; showing public affection is frowned upon in some Asian countries, therefore having matching outfits is a substitute way of saying “He/She is mine”. Still looks stupid though.

Not a bad spot to pass out

Taken from Opera Quays

Matching couple! Same Tshirt, grey cardy, shorts and loafers!

The Opera House is staggering, it gave me the same sense of wellbeing as looking around the temples in Cambodia; it’s simply beautiful. I got some (loads) of photos of both the building and looking over to Harbour Bridge before carrying on my walk round Farm Cove to “Mrs Macquarie’s Point”. This is where you get a fantastic view of both the Opera House and the Harbour bridge – so I was happy snapping away on the camera again. From here I continued around the coast line to Woolloomooloo Bay and finally back to the hostel in Kings Cross. I grabbed a shower and then went out with a few people for dinner – but literally passed out straight afterwards.

Nice Angles!

Reflection - through the Opera House you can see the park and the CBD

Harbour Bridge, taken from inside the Opera House

Is this the set for Star Wars?

The CBD taken from the park

Literally couldn't stop taking photos...

...Can't blame me though can you?

Go on then, one with me in as well

Andrew Charlton Pool in Woolloomooloo Bay

My early night had done me good and I was ready for another day sightseeing; I took a bus across to the west coast, to Coogee Beach, with the mind set to do a walk along the coast north to the famous Bondi Beach. The walk was awesome, the pathway ziged and zaged its way around the shoreline presenting some wicked views.

Coogee Beach

Walking along the cliffs

View looking back on to Waverly Cemetery

Looking out on the coast I'd just walked

Turning the corner for a brilliant view of Bondi Beach

The famous Iceberg Club

After a number of hours I finally got up to Bondi Beach and watched as surfers caught some big waves. I passed out and as I woke it was already late afternoon so I took a stroll to get a bus back into the city. I was struggling with the transition in prices, so I had a meal and resorted to another early night.

Couple of surfers catch a wave

Bondi

Bondi Beach from the bus stop

The next day I went for a casual stroll around the city, to pick up some new reading material (Freakanomics had kept me busy) and then took a look round the Botanical gardens. Pretty much every tree, plant and flower is labelled so much so that I was surprised the exotic birds and bats didn’t have signs hung from their necks. I then gate crashed a wedding in the park; it was beautiful Kate and David had met on a dating site and now, 3 months later were tying the knot. What a fantastic scenery, with the Opera House in the background.

Inside the Queen Victoria Shopping Centre

Bats in the Botanical gardens

Prior to gate crashing Kate and Davids Wedding

That evening was one of the guys 30th Birthdays so a boat cruise had been organised around the harbour. For only $15 I jumped at the chance, downed a bottle of sparkling Chardonnay (the cheapest at the off license) and then joined in with the party. The boat was loads better than expected; with some great tunes, average priced beer and of course seeing Sydney at night. After a few hours cruising round the harbour and meeting new people we got VIP in to a club called “Scary Canary” with a few free drinks. I bumped into a few people I’d met on my flight to Sydney and had a good night out before crashing back to the hostel at some stupid time.

The Lady Rose - what a beauty!

The Opera House and Harbour Bridge at night

The Opera House with the CBD behind

I had to be up early the next day to check out and also get picked up by Jen; not only were Daren and Jen going to put me up for a few days but I had also been invited to Jen’s Dad’s birthday BBQ. Jen picked me up and drove me over Harbour Bridge North to Dee Why, where Daren, Jen and their 9month old Jake have set up. It was great to see Jen again, who I had lived with for a year when I first moved to London back in 2008. We arrived at their apartment – a brand new open plan 2 bedroom place with a long balcony; it was lush! Shortly afterwards Daren and Jake came home after taking a walk, again fantastic to see Daren again; as funny and confident as ever and my first ever meeting with Jake. Jake is one of the happiest, smiley kids I’ve ever met, a good mix of both Daren and Jen.

We relaxed for a bit before Jen’s parents, Peter and Jane arrived. Daren cooked up a storm on the Barbie; chicken wings, kebabs, steak sausages and we soaked up the sun with a couple of beers. Jen’s parents are hilarious; for Peter’s birthday Jane had carefully wrapped up the following; A giant plastic Lemon (for storing a Lemon in), a giant plastic Tomato (for storing a Tomato in), a box (for storing things in), couple of shirts and a pair of boxers (to store Peter in). It was nice to relax in a homely environment, so we literally slumped on the coach for the rest of the afternoon.

Daren with the BBQ

Peter with his Tomato and Lemon

Relaxing with Jake

Hello!

On the Sunday, we casually got up and headed down to the beach with Jake – the sun was blaring so we couldn’t stay on the beach for too long so we retreated to a shady café for lunch. In the evening we watched the Rugby final which was better than expected – France played really well and then recorded the Manchester derby; we were too tired to watch it (seeing as kick off wasn’t until 11:30pm!)
Monday morning Daren, Jake and I watched the derby; 1-6, what an amazing game! I’m not the biggest fan of Man United, but like everyone feels – I hate (jealous) Man City. I was hoping for more goals seeing as I had a couple of Man U and Man City forwards in my fantasy football team – but alas I was still routed to bottom of the league. I spent the rest of the day viewing accommodation adverts and sorting out my CV in preparation for Melbourne.

Daren and Jake on the beach

Someone's made a mess haven't they?

Not now Jake, I'm trying to watch J-Shore

Tuesday I was showed the way to the local Mall where I window shopped, getting a feel for how much things cost over here – in particular suits and shoes for work. Wednesday came all too quickly and it was sad to say bye to Jen and Daren who had so kindly put me up in their beautiful apartment. Jen drove me into the city (on her way to work) and I stopped off at the hostel I’d stayed at to pinch the free wifi and briefly catch up with a few people before catching a bus to the airport.

My flight didn’t take long to get to Melbourne, from the airport I caught a shuttle bus into the city. Just like Sydney, nothing looked real; everything was so clean and fake, like a movie set. Even the rusty old cars on the road looked like their owners had deliberately made them look old and rusty. The sky was a tremendous blue and the sun was bright and yellow, just as you’d draw it when you were a kid. As I listened to The Dog Days Are Over by Florence and The Machine I had a huge smile on my face, I was finally here. It felt like I was reading the last chapter of an amazing book, knowing that there was a sequel with fantastic reviews. Like the scene at the end of the first Back to the Future film; “Roads? Where we’re going, we don’t need roads”. I felt a tingle down my spine. This is just the beginning.

Gili What?!

Ubud -Tulamben – Lovina – Ubud - Padangbai – Gili Trawangan – Ubud

So I had planned to move on from Ubud, but the place kept a firm grasp and wouldn’t let me go for another few days. While I whittled the time away reading, having possibly the best massage I’ve ever had and generally relaxing with some awesome people I had met from my bike tour, including Katie and Kelly.

I wanted to head up to Tulamben which is where a US cargo wreck is – I had read about it, but also Chaz had recommended it to me as he and Fiona had been snorkelling there just a few weeks before on their honeymoon. The one way bus up to Tulamben cost 120,000R, whereas renting a scooter for 3 days was only 130,000R – so I packed my small bag with a couple of days’ worth of clothes and set off on a moped to Tulamben.

The journey took me south from Ubud to the coast and then swang all the way round to the north east of the island. The ride was fantastic; stunning scenery – the beaches, the locals, the rice fields. I arrived up in Tulamben around lunch time and settled for lunch in a 5star resort with an infinity pool. I zipped around looking for the cheapest place to stay (with a package for diving as well) and it turned out the cheapest place was right on the beach and closest to the US Cargo wreck.

View from a Bridge on my drive

Waves crash over the black sands on the East coast

Rice Terraces (yes more of them)

There was no chance I could afford to stay here, but the food was pretty reasonable

The USAT Liberty Glo was an American armed cargo ship which was torpedoed by the Japanese during WWII (1942 to be exact) the ship was rescued and towed towards Bali by a Dutch destroyer. The ship was beached at Tulamben and sat on the coast until Gunung Agung (Bali’s active volcano) erupted in 1963 which split the ship in two and it sank just 20 metres from the beach. The currents off the north coast bring fantastic nutrients to the sea life and therefore it is one of Indonesia’s most beautiful artificial reefs.

It didn’t take me long to grab a snorkel, mask and fins and jump in with my camera to check it out. Visibility was about 12 metres so I could see part of the wreck very clearly – but what fascinated me was the huge school of Jackfish which had created an awesome tornado in their masses. I was happily snapping away with the underwater camera when suddenly the screen did this nightmarish flashing and jilted view. I swam back to the shore and pulled the battery out – turns out a tiny bit of water had leaked in, I took it all apart and left it to dry for the day before shooting off back out to sea.

Swarm of Jack fish, with divers below - possibly the last ever photo my camera took

There wasn’t too much happening in the area during the evening so I jumped on the scooter and went 10K down the road to Amed. “Amed” is made up of 4 different beach areas all with their own name, the first being Amed – however the name is slowly becoming the name for the whole area here. It was such a shame that I didn’t have my camera because there were some fantastic views, plus I had some beautiful dinner down by the shore line while watching night divers torch lights under the sea.

The next day I was up at 6am for the dive – I had requested an early start as there is more chance of seeing Mola Mola (Ocean Sun Fish) and also having the wreck to myself (I had noticed it was crowded with divers during the afternoon). It was still dark as I was kitted out with good quality Aqualung gear, and as we headed down to the beach; it had already started to get light. We got in to the water and sorted our fins and masks out (my first ever shore dive) before slowly descending down following the sand line as it sloped down to the wreck.

First thing we spotted were two Mola Mola’s – these things are so weird looking, I had to squint with my eyes to work out what they were, they looked like turtles swimming on their sides they’re so big. Next thing my buddy is tapping me and pointing upwards (we were at a depth of roughly 20 metres) and I saw 7-8 huge Bat Fish. These things are so menace looking as they swim – just gliding through the water, and as they were above us (only 2-3 metres) I couldn’t help but think I was looking up at the sky and seeing blimps flying overhead.

The dive was good and we did a number of small swim-through’s of the wreck itself. After 40 minutes or so we surfaced and swam back to the beach – we had an hours rest while I grabbed some breakfast (banana pancake) and then we kitted ourselves back up and took another dive. The second dive was slightly more crowded with other divers, but we had a long swim through of the wreck which was cool and got too see a number of blue spotted rays and Marbled Stingrays swimming on the bottom. My guide also pointed out some pigmy seahorses, but I struggled to see them without a prescription mask. We also got to see some wicked Garden Eels; I had seen them on a documentary before, but seeing them all sticking out of the sand (like a harvest) with their backs curved and mouths pointing out in front catching minerals in the water was awesome.

The diving had been good fun, but I was ready to leave Tulamben – there simply isn’t anything else to do here apart from check the shipwreck out. So I jumped on the scooter and headed east on the main road which hugs the coast line – again some fantastic views and stopped at a temple. I arrived in Lovina early afternoon which is a quiet, scenic beach resort – slightly more busy than the area of Amed but with more of a community feel to it.

I relaxed on the black sand and chatted with a number of the locals who explained how the large hotel resorts were crippling local beach towns like Lovina. With all these 5 star all inclusive packages no one comes down to the public beach or eats from the locals anymore. I decided it was time to check on the camera, so I put everything back together – but got nothing but a red flashing from the battery pack. Didn’t look good, but thankfully I still had the SD card with all the photo’s on so that’s what really matters. It also helped that at the time I was still reading Bravo Two Zero and Andy McNab was being tortured – all of a sudden a broken camera seemed pretty insignificant.

Didn’t find too much to do in Lovina at night, and with the fact that I had to be up at 7am the next day I had an early night. At 6:45am I was woken up by the captain of the boat, smashed some clothes on and we headed down to the beach. The day before I had booked up to go on a dolphin spotting tour, apparently it’s “the” thing to do in Lovina. The boats are small catamarans, very narrow with a small plank of wood for a seat – I was sharing the boat with two Chinese guys who kindly lent me their camera (but using my SD memory card) so I could snap the beautiful sunrise and (hopefully) some dolphins.

Hello!

Fantastic sunrise over Bali

Try and guess who is more excited about seeing Dolphins - me or the captain?

We zipped out to sea, but instead of finding dolphins we found around 50 other boats doing the exact same thing as us. What ensued was a lot of staring at water and chasing dolphins – it wasn’t the best thing in the world, but we did get to see a few! Once the tour was over I jumped back on the scooter and made my way directly south to Denpensar (the capital of Bali) to see if I could buy a new camera. The drive took me up, over and round G Lesong (Volcano 1860m), G Pohon (Volcano 2276m), they were crazy roads, but the scenery was absolutely fantastic – how happy I was that I didn’t have a camera (Gutting).

This was the view we got pretty much the whole time

But wait - there's a dolphin?! Where? Ah missed it.

I finally made my way into the busy capital and found a brilliant market type building loaded with electronics. I spent a good few hours going through the different cameras on offer – unfortunately they didn’t have a waterproof version of the camera I wanted, so I settled for another Sony which isn’t half as good as my old one.

I zipped my way back to Ubud for another massage and to see Becky and Susan again. It was the start of the Readers and Writers festival and seeing as Becky was volunteering we got to meet lots of other Writers – it was interesting to say the least. The next day I caught a bus down to Padangbai – a small beach/ferry port. My boat to Gili Trawangan was booked for the next morning so I relaxed in the sleepy town of Padangbai – not too much going on!

Dinner with Becky's writer friends - anyone want to chat? Nah didn't think so.

Padangbai - Blue Lagoon beach

Some pretty amusing smoothies; "Drink Never Again : Carrot, Apple, Watercress and a shot of Vodka - Cure your hangover and best for back your stamina"

Up early again for the boat ride, I’d heard a few horror stories about the boats to the Gili Islands so I was a little apprehensive. Thankfully the minute I put my headphones on I passed out and didn’t wake until we got to Lombok (first stop before the Gili’s). While waiting for our bags to get off the boat I met Alastair and Robin, who had just met each other on the boat – they were up for sharing a room so I got involved. Alastair was an English guy on a few weeks holiday and Robin was an 18 year old German just finishing off his travels. We got a dirt cheap pad and then had a look round the island.

The owner of our first bungalow - needless to say he was trying to sell us drugs

The Gili’s consist of three islands – Gili Trawangan (or Gili T to the uncultured), Gili Meno and Gili Air. Gili T (see what I mean?) is the largest of the three islands and is the only one of the three islands with an ATM, the other two are slightly smaller and have very basic amenities. You can walk around Gili T in about an hour and a half, and generally has a mix of 5 star resorts and cheap fan rooms. The beaches are simply stunning and the water has unbelievably good visibility – making it a snorkelers/divers paradise. There are no mopeds or cars on the island, so you ride on a bike or catch a lift from a horse and cart.

Alastair and I had decided we’d prefer to be closer to the beach and in a slightly nicer place, so we found a place opposite the turtle hatchery which was big enough for both of us and at the right price. We booked it up, ready to move in the following day and then hit the beach to relax. This place was stunning – and so were all the bikini’s; my appreciation for Louis Reard went through the roof.

That night Alastair and I went out to check the nightlife and met Victor a Dutch guy traveling on his own and a number of other people some of us had previously met. The night turned very mess, to say the least. I blame Victor for introducing us to “Vodka Joss” basically a shot of Vodka with a sachet of red bull powder – you’re supposed to pour the sachet in your mouth and then take the shot, give it a shake in the mouth and down it goes.

Victor with a couple of Vodka Joss's

Alastair and I moved in to our new spot the next day and had a gander at the Turtle hatchery – tiny baby turtles held in 3 tanks until they’re six months old and then released into the sea. “Cute” is an understatement. We then relaxed on the beach and followed the same pattern as before; relax on the beach and then go out in the evening, meeting more and more people and doing more and more Vodka Joss.

My little mates - every night on my way home I'd go and have a little chat "Hey Bob, where's Sally tonight?"

Chilling on the beach with my Pussy (oh yes I did)

This guy pushes his bike around the whole island with the most annoying ice cream tune blaring out. He loved stopping infront of me

One of the days we bumped into Helena who Victor had met while on Nusa Lembongan – an absolutely cracking English lady. We also managed to pick up Louisa a French girl who while on the beach confessed to Alastair and I (taking into account we had only just met her) that “my brother chucked my pet tortoise out the window and then he strangled our dog”. We knew we’d get on well. Also the French guys along with Mark the Italian from Barcelona got involved and soon we were becoming a big group of people, always meeting at Sama Sama (Reggie bar) at 7:30pm each night.

Victor, Alastair and I on Alastair's last night; great lads

My whole Gili T experience is a bit of a dream to be honest. When you’re on a paradise island surrounded by wonderful, beautiful friends all other thoughts go out the window. However, we watched the England France Rugby game which was a huge disappointment; not only because we lost but because I was sat next to Louisa shouting “YOU ARE RUBBISH!” One day I walked round the island (on my own – needed some “Alan Time”) – which is absolutely beautiful, did some snorkelling around and then passed out at a 5 star resort on the beach for two hours.

Horse and Cart pave the way along the coast line

Straight from the holiday brochure

Where I passed out for a couple of hours - in the background you can see the tree house I chilled at with the other guys a few days later

Sunset - what a stunner

Louisa, Chaby, Mark, Daniel, Remy, Helena and I - smiles all round

"Where's Louisa gone?", then we turn round and there she is dancing on the bar - Scandalous!

We also went on a snorkelling trip; Louisa, the French and Italian and I got on a glass bottom boat ride which needless to say was absolutely hilarious. We met James (South African) and Jason (Canadian), and the infamous “Canadian Girls”. These girls were absolutely stunning girls in their bikinis (fake boobs – apparently – I wasn’t looking ), turning up for a snorkelling trip wearing waterproof makeup, but more on them later.

We had a couple of stops to jump off the boat and do some snorkelling, the first of which just off Gili T. The visibility was cracking and there were a number of different smaller fish I hadn’t seen before, once we were all back on board we were taken to Turtle Point which is just off Gili Meno. We were quite far off Gili Meno, and the depth went down to about 20 metres or so. Our guide had joined us in the water and directed us to stay by him as he’d point out the turtles. At one point we all stopped and he asked if we had all seen the turtle at the bottom, of which some of us hadn’t. So he says “Watch, I’ll point at him” and then he descends, free diving, down to 20 metres and sits at the bottom, looks up, waves and then points at the huge turtle. He then casually resurfaces and we swim on; I’d heard about free diving, but to see it like that was absolutely staggering. We then got closer to Gili Meno and the depth had raised to about 12 metres when we spotted another turtle. This one was fantastic, we could free dive right down to him and watch in awe as he chomped away at the coral.

Oh My God - Louisa driving the boat, look at the fear in everyone elses faces

The boat had followed us and we were all ready to get back on board; the others jumped on and I, gentlemanly like, allowed the Canadian girls to climb the ladder before me. It was then that one of the girls turned to her friend and in her annoying Canadian accent stated excitedly “OH MY GOD! DID YOU SEE ME?! I WAS SWIMMING WITH THE TURTLE! DID YOU SEE ME AND THE TURTLE?! OH MY GOD!” To which I burst in to tears of laughter. It was such a self-centred statement to make, not “Wow I can’t believe we got to see a turtle”, so my reaction was just to laugh my head off. We got back to the front of the boat where the others were – I don’t think the Canadian girls knew what I was laughing about – but Mark looked up at me confused, and I couldn’t help but explain to everyone what I had just heard – in front of this girl. Thankfully she was slightly ditsy, so I didn’t get a slap.

The boat carried on round to Gili Air, where we had our last stop - a fantastic coastal snorkel spot which we swam the length of staring away at the fish. We then got off at Gili Air and had lunch next to the beach – I had huge food-envy of James’s BBQ’d fish (he was the winner that day). We got back to Gili T around mid-afternoon and I collapsed until the standard 7:30 Sama Sama meet up; where we all explained to the others about “OH MY GOD, DID YOU SEE ME?!” which soon became the groups catch phrase.

Walking on Gili Air, looking at the view of Lombok

James BBQ'd fish

Diver Crossing

Fun on the beach - Louisa's new food friend

Trying my best not to let Daniel put all us men to shame

Nikki reads out recommended sex positions from a magazine while I act them out - there is a video of this somewhere...?

Absolutely love this stupid nutter

Full Moon party - crazy bunch

"Everyone pull your ugly face" - I found this easier than I first thought.

A few days later the guys went for a walk around the island, I didn’t join as I had already done the walk and also because I wanted to write my blog. So I arranged the night before to meet them at the 5 star resort I had been to – as it had fantastic tree houses looking out to sea. I grabbed my netbook and headed down to a café which has free wifi; it was here that I spotted Katie chilling on a bean bag and Kelly sunny herself down on the beach – the two girls from my bike tour in Ubud. Therefore all of a sudden it was Bintang (local beer) o’clock, we caught up and Katie used my netbook to Facebook rape me (which I didn’t find out about until 3-4 days later).

3pm came so the girls joined me down to the 5 star resort to meet the others; the tree house was awesome but incredibly windy. We chilled up there while the guys had some food and we got through a couple of buckets of Bintang. People slowly started to filter off, leaving James, Louisa and I and a few Bintangs chilling and laughing away. It was then that we heard a couple of girls down below, so we called them up and they turned out to be a couple of mental Welsh girls; Kim and Becks. A few Bintang buckets later and a boozy cycle back home to grab a shower and we’re all meeting up at Sama Sama at 7:30, again.

The guys with their lunch in the tree house

Remy kindly covering Katie from the wind so she can light a fag

The market - this lady is a legend!

Louisa and Katie on the table yet again

Oh no you didn't! Katie passes the Vodka Joss around

The weekend was soon upon us, so it was rugby time, and seeing as we had the Welsh girls shouting at the French for the past two days “You’re going home boyos!” it was set up to be a good day. I’ve never been a huge rugby fan, but my mate Steve did take me to my first rugby game back in November last year; Wales vs New Zealand at the Millennium stadium (Cardiff) on the condition that from that day on I was a Welsh fan. So I was well into it giving all the gip to the French; we were all set up in the Irish bar and it was a fantastic game – although not quite sure how you can elbow a player in the face during a tackle, getting sent off, and then you can punch someone in the face and not even get a yellow. Anyway, Wales was robbed (The French were sweating) but can hold their heads up as Wales played incredibly well. I was off the booze, so the complete opposite to Kim and Becks – that night was more than likely the best night out as it was the French and Marks last evening so we hit it pretty hard. Thanks to some smashing people I had a huge smile on my face all night.

Intensely watching the rugby

All the gang meeting yet more new people

James and Nikki, getting rather friendly

Seriously awesome people

Kim and I celebrating just how great Wales were

Next day was a bit of a blur in my hungover state, but more rugby watching (absolutely brutal game NZ vs Aus – Kim and Becks shouting “You’re going home in 4th Australia!”) and chilling on the beach before passing out in the cinema watching Hangover 2 (again). We were all parting ways, and although it’s always a sad thing, it’s the amazing memories, laughs and smiles I’ll take away with me.

Yesterday, myself and James got the boat back to Padangbai and then caught a bus up to Ubud where we caught up with Nikki (another one of the gang). We had a nice chilled out evening in the Shisha Lounge listening to some wicked live music and then had an early night. Today Helana arrives in Ubud so hopefully we’ll get to catch up, before I have my flight to Sydney at 10pm this evening.

Dara cooks up my last banana pancake in Gili

And me with the finished article

It’s been pretty emotional, and Australia seems incredibly daunting at the moment but can’t wait to catch up with Daren and Jen (old housemates who now have a baby) and of course Leigh and Sharnee in Melbourne. I’m ready, are you?

SACRED SPICE!

Bangkok – Kuta – Ubud

So I had a few more days in Bangkok – mostly dossing around by the pool catching up on the sun and boozing with Rick, Joe and Beth. It was a complete stop gap my time in Bangkok; I feel like I’ve exhausted most avenues, so I didn’t do anything touristy.

I managed to get a cheap flight down to Bali, however it did mean that I had to be at the airport for 4am. The Air Asia flight was mostly spent asleep, before I spotted the beaches of Bali – the run way is just off the coast. I had decided to head to Kuta; the closest town to the airport, it has a reputation for being the Aussie equivalent of Magaluf, but with great beginners surfing – which is what I wanted.

I fetched a taxi to the guesthouse I had picked, but Kuta is made up of lots of little streets and lanes (called “Gangs”) which can only just fit one car down. So my taxi driver chucked me out at a random spot and told me to walk – I still didn’t have a map (the ones in Lonely Planet guide just aren’t worth looking at; always wrong), so wondered around before finding the place. It was full so I continued to hunt around until I found a cheap place – even has a pool!

Kuta has loads of surf schools dotted around, similar to how Ko Tao has Dive schools; so I spent the afternoon trying to find the best price to hire a board and get some lessons. It turned out I could get the best deal from a tout on the beach Mr.Long (“It’s not just my hair which is Long”) could get me an hour lesson with a deal on then hiring the board for a fraction of the price of a school in town. So I booked up to head there early the next morning and passed out early for the night.

Kuta Beach

9am my lesson started, which was good because there was hardly anyone on the beach. The waves were breaking quite nicely and I was ready to learn – My teacher, Arthur geared me up with a surf top and a board. We did some exercises on the beach first – practicing how to “Pop up”; basically how to go from lying down to standing up, and then we headed into the water.

We started on small waves, and on my second wave I was able to stand up. It’s a pretty wicked sensation, there’s all this build up, then when you stand up you’re not quite sure what to do – just look cool. The first hour breezed by, and I was very confident when Arthur left me on my own out there as I had been able to stand up on the board with ease.

However it’s a hell of a lot different when you’re not too sure which waves to catch and you don’t have someone shouting “Pedal!” and “Stand Up!” at you. I spent another 2 hours in the water trying to get it right, with little success. I turned in for a break and some lunch, I asked Mr.Long what I was doing wrong “You go for blue wave, but you want white wave” – OK :s

Mr. Long and I

I found the food market and pigged out on a local delicacy for half the price of the restaurants in town. I continued to read my book (Slash – from Guns N’ Roses – ‘s autobiography) and chill out for an hour or so before getting back into the sea with the board. Pure determination to “get” surfing set in and I was in the water for 4 hours, which went quite well. I then stopped at one of the little bars on the beach – I say bar’s, it’s more a group of Balinese sitting on a few plastic chairs with an ice box – for the sunset.

Sunset at the "Beach Bar"

The Giant Fire Ball Drops

I didn’t fully understand how determined I was with the surfing until the next day when I woke up with a sunburnt face, blistered hands (from holding the board) and my arm muscles (the guns) were killing me. So I went for a walk (with plenty of sun cream on) and found a surf school which had a nice bar where I could sit and finish my book. It was hilarious to be at a proper surf school – they had a large pool where they were teaching pupils how to pedal on the board; this went on for an hour! This was all for about 8x the cost I got – but really – this was clearly a school for people who were scared of sea water or something.

All the pupils in the pool practicing surf techniques

That evening, three Indonesian girls from Jakarta moved in next door to me in my hotel so the four of us went and got some dinner at one of the many western restaurants in town. The three girls were in Bali for their holiday and their English was fantastic – was nice to be with some “locals”, and surprisingly enough they probably knew more about Western culture than I did. After dinner we went over to Sky Garden a bar/club split over 6 floors – Apart from the fact that the girls didn’t get in. Because they’re classed as “locals” they had to pay a fee to get in, their ploy of being Pilipino didn’t work – I was already in and mesmerised by the place (and the beer I had just bought), so ditched them for a random night.

Fire twirling inside Sky Garden

The following day I got into trouble with the girls (they’ll get over it) and then headed back out on to the surf for the day. Mr.Long was happy to see me back and I advanced to a board which instead of having a rubber grip used wax for grip. I was certainly getting better and had a good few hours out – however I made sure I was coming back in every hour or so for a new layer of sun cream.

The shaded area at the back of the beach - lined with surfing touts and "Beach Bars"

It was one of the girls Birthday’s so a few of us (including an Aussie and a French guy) got a taxi up to Seminyak (just north from Kuta – much more civilised) for dinner. We headed to a beautiful bustling restaurant called Ultimo, which seemed to have a never ending array of tables and a band playing covers like “I Will Always Love You” by Whitney Houston. I went for the Calzone which was the worst Calzone I have ever had – massive disappointment as everyone else had really good looking pasta. My Calzone was supposed to be filled with Bolognese sauce – it was huge but when I pierced through the dough saw a couple of spoons of the sauce smack bang in the middle; none spread out to the sides so I was pretty much just eating cooked dough. I didn’t last long that evening so when the others went to a club I shot into bed instead.

I spent my last day in Kuta doing more surfing and loads more reading, I swapped Slash’s Autobiography in for A History of Tractors in Ukrainian by Marina Lewycka – which as you can imagine got me some pretty interesting looks in cafés. It’s not actually anything to do with Tractors, it’s about two sisters whose widower father is going to marry a Ukrainian lady half his age so that she can get an English Visa. Really good book which goes through all aspects about helping family members/friends and discusses the balance between forcing someone into taking your advice or letting them learn from their actions. I’d recommend it.

On Saturday morning I got in a tourist bus (standard 12 seater styled “VIP” bus) and headed North to Ubud. Ubud had been recommended to me by some of the guys I was with in Ko Tao and I’m so glad I took their advice. It’s described as the Cultural heart of Bali, full of artists and yoga classes – oh and the Monkey Sanctuary. Sarah (a Canadian girl who has been teaching English in Seoul for a couple of years, who I met on the bus) and I grabbed a cab to the first hotel advertised in Lonely Planet “Frog Pond Inn”. A very basic narrow garden with bungalows down the right side of the garden – the bungalow was huge, the sink dirty and no bed sheets; but it was cheap “like the budgie”. We dropped our stuff and went for a walk and to hunt out somewhere for lunch – we spent the afternoon aimlessly getting lost and topping up on fruit smoothies.

Ubud is pretty much one main road leading up from the Monkey Sanctuary north lined with cafes, spa’s, restaurants and guesthouses all the way up to Ubud Palace (suitably named Monkey Sanctuary Road). It is surrounded with Rice fields, perfect for walking or cycling – beautiful landscapes which inspire the local artists.

In the evening Sarah and I hit the Lonely Planets “Top Choice” for dinner – called Three Monkeys. The restaurant looks quite small from the front, but it just keeps extending backwards right into a rice field. Tables line the side of the rice field which is illuminated by the restaurant. Sarah is very much into cooking, like me, so we talked about what food we enjoyed cooking while eating some of the most delicious pasta I have ever had.

After dinner we shot to the XL Shisha Lounge which is just on the other side of the football field (in the centre of Ubud) – this was a complete random choice but we were both dead chuffed we’d found it. It was stylised like an Indian tent (not that I have any idea what an Indian tent is themed like, but it’s what I imagine one would look like), very much like a VIP lounge in a club in central London. People were flopped down on sofas and giant pillows which circled a water fountain (waitresses constantly had to warn people not to fall in it) while inhaling on different flavoured shisha. We pretty much spent the whole evening there; time went out the window while we got through a number of beers and Shisha.

Chilling out at Shisha Lounge

The roosters in the garden back at Frog Pond Inn managed to keep Sarah up all night – while I was happy sleeping away. I was woken at around 3am, by Sarah sarcastically laughing at how ridiculously loud the roosters were. Needless to say the next day we hunted around and found an awesome guesthouse, infinitely better – stunning room (with bed sheets), balcony, wifi and even a swimming pool (not in the room, but down in the garden).

The morning after - Sarah not happy with this guy

We moved our stuff over and then commandeered a taxi driver to take us to Gunung Kawi an ancient monument consisting of 10 rock-cut shrines; it’s in the process of becoming a Unesco World Heritage site. As we rocked up into the car park we were surrounded by Balinese ladies selling sarongs, which we were told had to be bought to wear while walking around Gunung Kawi. We got the deal for two of them and then walked down past the stalls selling local crafts (Sarah buying far too much stuff which she’d never be able to fit in her suitcase) to the entrance. At the entrance there was a big box full of sarongs which you could borrow to wear inside (cheers!) and also a little restaurant where we grabbed some lunch and a coffee (Sarah was passing out from her sleepless night).

Before we realised we could borrow sarongs

Gunung Kawi is set down in a small valley, which you walk down steep steps and across a small bridge to get to. It’s surrounded by rice fields (like everything in Ubud) and the noise of trickling water from both the rice fields and the temple complements the atmosphere. It’s a day dreamers kind of ancient monument, so we both got some good photos.

In front of one set of the 10 shrines

The bridge we had walked over

Chilling out, looking over the rice fields

We headed back over the bridge and up the steep steps back to our taxi driver who then took us to a small farm which mostly caters for tourists hunting out “Kopi Luwak”. Kopi Luwak is the most expensive coffee in the world, it is named after a cat-like civet (a Luwak) which is fed ripe coffee cherries. The intact beans are collected up amongst the Luwaks poo and then filtered and cleaned and sold for a ridiculous amount. It also allows tourist guides to make up different names for it such as “Cat Poo Coffee” or (as our guide called it) “Cat Poo-Cino”. After a tour around the garden farms (everything labelled) we got to sample the Poo Coffee and lots of different samplings they were promoting. We stirred our coffees with fresh cinnamon sticks, which smelt so strong!

The Coffee Cherries

The Luwak poo below their cages

Sarah and I with the different stages of the beans being cleaned - me at the sh*t end

Roasting the beans

Tasting our Cat Poo-Cino's with a rice field back drop

Rice field tiers

Believe it or not, the Cat Poo Coffee made us both tired so we got the taxi driver to take us back to our hotel and we jumped in the pool to relax. We had another good meal on Monkey Sanctuary road and then went for a massage at a small spa we had found in the afternoon. The massage was good, however was interrupted by another customer in the next room who constantly demanded “More, Harder”, he obviously liked his massages to be deep – either that or he was getting something I wasn’t. Sarah went back to the room after the massage, still shattered from her sleepless night, and I headed back to the Shisha Lounge.

Our pool

I sat down on some of the pillows in front of a big projector and watched the Singapore Grand Prix. Fantastic race in which Vettel dominated (as per normal), however Button came close in the last 5 laps before getting stuck in traffic. It was good to see the Scottish (or as us English say whenever a Scot is doing well, the British) racer Paul di Resta do so well in his debut season – he drives for Force India Mercedes and is definitely worth looking out for the future.

Once the race was over I moved across the bar to where a band had set up – possibly the happiest band I have ever seen, singing covers ranging from Muse to Paolo Nutini. It was here that I bumped into Becky, Susan and Russ; I say “Bumped” literally because Becky and Susan were dancing around as happy as the band – Russ was sat at the bar with a beer taking photos on his SLR. Russ had worked at Lastminute.com with Becky, Becky was a writer and had just moved to Ubud to write her latest book. Susan was also living in Ubud in the last stages of writing her book. We shared some Shisha, beers and arranged to meet the next day at 7 at “Laughing Buddha” a bar Becky recommended.

The band playing in Shisha Lounge with Becky and Susan dancing on the right

Night meeting drunk strangers

The next morning, Sarah was up early to catch her flight up to Bangkok (to do a 1 week tour of Thailand – seeing as I did close to 3 months I told her “Good Luck”). I looked around for another place to stay (I couldn’t afford the luxury pad on my own), found a small one which was uber cheap and a mix between Frog Pond Inn and the nice hotel we’d stayed in the one night. It also had the advantage of being right opposite the hotel so I didn’t have to lug my backpack down the road.

I had already finished my book so I traded it in for Bravo Two Zero, Andy McNab’s bestselling book on an SAS mission – I also traded in my Lonely Planet “South East Asia on a Shoe String” for their book on Bali & Lombok. The first guide had been good as a vague guide to all the different cheap places to go, but it was just that – vague, the Bali & Lombok guide is pretty in depth. Although I don’t like running my travels by a guide book, they are brilliant for reading up about a place before going there and excellent to find a place to stay for the first night. I don’t mind staying in random guesthouses, but whenever you arrive in a new town by a tourist bus you are bombarded with taxi drivers telling you where to stay – it makes life easier to say “No I’ve already got so and so guesthouse booked up” (even though I haven’t).

Wise words in the book shop

In the afternoon, I did run my travels by the guide book and followed one of the walking tours north of Ubud centre. I ignored the advice to start in the morning because of the heat (mainly because it was already the afternoon) and set off at breaking the estimated time of 3 and a half hours. The walk climbs up and across the “Campuan Ridge” and up into a small village – again surrounded by rice fields. The walk over the ridge was really good and I was picking up a little sweat as I marched on through the heat. After the small village the walk unfortunately turned on to one of the main roads and then I had to walk up and down a winding road without any view for a good hour or so. An Aussie family I had bumped into in the village stopped their car to pick me up (they had clearly taken pity on my sweat patches), but I told them that it was kind of cheating seeing as I was on a walking tour.

Knew that Sarong would come in handy

Campuan Ridge

Cafe huts look out over the rice fields

The Rice fields

“At the restaurant Mozaic, veer to the west onto trails …a fantasyland of coursing waterways and good views.” Sounded good, instead I was met by a handwritten sign next to Mozaic “No access to Rice Fields, Guide Book Wrong ”! Didn’t stop me though, and I ended up walking through rice fields, gate crashing a Yoga class (whoops!), trespassing through private villas (“Hello” – to an unsuspecting sun bather by her swimming pool). It was awesome and I felt a little bit like Alex Garlands character Richard in The Beach walking through fields armed by foreign guards with guns. Yes my mind had wandered. Total time – 2 hours 12 minutes.

One of the rice fields I walked through

Ducks quak around through the fields

Finally finding a path which takes you round the villas, rather than through them

That evening I shot down to the Laughing Buddha to meet Becky and co. 7pm came and went, 7.30 followed, and shortly after by 7:45 until I realised I’d been stood up. I went back to my room, grabbed Bravo Two Zero and had a meal on my own while imagining all the people being shot were Becky, Susan and Russ. I then went down to the Shisha Lounge and who was walking out with a bottle of wine? Susan “Hey, we’re next door having dinner, come and join us!” – “Well if you guys are coming into Shisha Lounge later I’ll just see you in there”. I wasn’t going to join them for dinner seeing as they’d already ditched me back at 7pm.

I got some Shisha in and a few beers and then Becky and Susan came and joined me “Where were you, I waited for you for an hour in here on my own” announced Becky. “Well I was waiting in the bar that YOU recommended” …”Ohhhh…”. Turns out Becky thought we were meeting up in Shisha bar, Russ was back at Becky’s villa sulking because he’d broken a camera lens and Susan had forgotten we were meeting up at all. They were a lot more drunk the night before than I had first thought. So Susan had gone to see Becky in the restaurant next door and said “Nah he didn’t have a clue about meeting up, he didn’t say anything” – turns out we all hated each other; what did we do before mobile phones.

I was up early the next day to go on a cycle tour which Becky had recommended. It had set me back a few bob so I had high expectations – it didn’t disappoint. A group of 15 or so of us were transported up to a wicked restaurant for breakfast which over looked Gunung Batur (the most active volcano on Bali) and Danan Batur (the largest lake which supplies all the rice fields with fresh water). We had some fantastic breakfast while our guide “Ring” talked to us casually about absolutely anything – very informative guide.

The view over Gunung Batur and Danan Batur

Our Table overlooking the fantastic view

From here the bus took us to another coffee farm (not so interesting, because I had already been to one a few days before) and from here down to get our bikes. The bikes were in fairly good nick, no complaints apart from having the brake levers on the wrong sides of the handlebars – I was certain I’d fly over the handlebars at some point. It was a 25km downhill ride, stopping all the time along the route. It is possibly the most lazy cycling I have ever done; I probably pedalled about 2% of the ride – this was the kind of cycling my mum would enjoy.

This guy has the most boring job ever - separating the beans depending on sex

On the bike

We stopped off at a local bamboo farm (where Ring showed us the local ATM – pigs), a random field where Ring jumped in and grabbed a huge spider for everyone to have photos with (not me thanks), a walk through a rice field (number of the others falling in – pretty funny) and at a local village to play football with some little kids. The ride ended at the company’s own restaurant for a huge buffet of local food, we were literally harassed the whole time “Eat more, go up again, otherwise we charge you” – so we did as we were told and pigged out.

The local ATM

High Fiving kids on route

Ring shows off a "Baby" spider - "When they grow up they eat birds"

Walking through yet another rice field

Looking up inside a large tree ("Say What You See")

Feast Time!

The tour finished at 3pm and dropped us back off at our own hotels – I was shattered, not from the ride but from having late nights and being up at 7am every morning since arriving in Ubud. So when I got back to the room I passed out for 3 and half hours, thankfully I woke up before 7pm to meet up with the others again (definitely Laughing Buddha this time). I met with Russ and Becky – Russ wearing a fantastically ugly shirt, had a couple of drinks and a small dinner before turning in for the night.

Russ and his awful shirt

I was supposed to leave to head to north shores yesterday, but decided that as Ubud is a leisurely place to be I couldn’t just shoot off. So I met with the others in an awesome little café for brunch, organic smoothies and wrote this blog. It is quite clearly a writers paradise, as at the back of the café where we sat (all on our laptops writing), we were shortly joined by 4 others on their Macs typing away. Much to our amusement a hippy guy walked in with his son, both playing around on their own iPads. When the waitress came over the Dad said nice and loudly “What do you want; Chocolate milkshake? Strawberry milkshake? Vanilla milkshake? Or …a Sacred Spice?” – the kid replies straight away “Sacred Spice!” – “OK, and for lunch ….Miso Soup?” – “Yes”. Think that pretty much sums up Ubud.

In Clear Cafe, everyone working away

So yes, today I was meant to make my way to Tulamben – however last night we all went out and in the local bar managed to kick off a Yoga competition. It was quite an event – our new mate Evan is a Yoga teacher back in the States so he was pulling off some crazy moves while Becky stood at the side chanting “YOG-OFF YOG-OFF!”

Yog-Off, Evan working his magic

Few drinks with Susan and Russ

I woke up late today and just being lazy again. Hopefully I’ll be on the move tomorrow making my way to north to Tulamben, where there’s a US cargo wreck to explore on a dive. Then thinking of shooting over to the Gili Islands to check a turtle sanctuary out and do more diving. Big smiles.

I do!

Home - Reading - Hertfordshire - Wedding - Bristol - London - Bangkok

Wow, and I thought it was going to be relaxing being back in the UK – how wrong I was!

After all the shenanigans in Bournemouth for the stag do, I finally got back to Mum and Dad’s down on the South coast to spend some time at “home”. It was great to be able to get some washing done and have some home cooking, oh and be with Mum and Dad of course.

Got a chance to head back out on the mountain bikes with Chaz and Chris just north of Petersfield for a night ride. Absolutely love riding that bike, but was annoyed to find that the rear hub had quite a lot of play in it so had to take it slightly easy. Managed to get a puncture while in the dark which wasn’t quite what we needed, but the beer at the pub on the way home was.

At the weekend we headed over to Fratton Park to see Pompey vs. Cardiff, my mate Welshy was supposed to join us but it turned out his misses had other plans – so we managed to sell the ticket to another friend of Mum and Dad’s. We met up with Stewart (Dad’s mate) down at the Rose in June for a couple of beers before heading to the ground. I hadn’t been to Fratton Park for a while and was excited to see our new Norwegian midfielder Erik Huseklepp in action – after Mum and Dad had rated him so highly after the previous game. Although he was quite snappy, Cardiff were good at shunning him off the ball and he never really made an impact. It was quite a poor game, but both teams started playing in the last 20 minutes and Cardiff got a beaut of a goal against play. Shortly after Kanu got subbed on, much to every ones delight, and sneaked a header into Cardiff’s net. End score was 1-1, we were unlucky not to get a winner.

After the game I got a lift over to Jon’s place to meet some of the guys (including Welshy who had been let out for the night), have some dinner and a few drinks before making our way down to Gun Wharf. It was an odd sensation to be back on the old hunting ground, especially talking to people who were younger than me with kids and husbands! We decided to confirm all our job titles; Welshy was a porn director, I was a Dolphin trainer and Jon was a postman (can't remember Chaz and Steve's titles) – needless to say it didn’t impress all that much.

Welshy shows off the guns

Thanks to Jon (Mojito’s) and Welshy (Tequila) the rest of the night is a blur, apart from assisting a fascinated Welshy on to the ferry (“I can’t believe we’re getting a ferry home”) and getting the cab driver to stop for Welshy to have a chunder. We didn’t stir until about 1pm on Sunday, and we had a smashing fry up which I pulled together.

We had a bit of car swapping to do before getting a lift from Welshy’s lady friend, Sally up to Wokingham. I got dropped off at Tom (Pizza Hut champ - previously mentioned) and Ash's where I got treated to a fantastic meal which Tom dubbed down "Just something I chucked in the oven." It turned out Tom had had quite a big weekend already so was as enthusiastic for another night out as me and Welshy were. However on arriving at The Monks Retreat (Weatherspoons which was our local when we all lived in Reading) and met up with all the crew from our Hewlett Packard days we soon got back in the mood (think it had something to do with 2 pitches of cocktail for £10). Was great to be all together again, such a wicked group of people to know. We hit Reading pretty hard, before slowly hibernating under our different rocks.

Tom and I decided Jager Bombs will be the best first drink to have

Next day was made complete; Tom, Ash,Welshy, Sally and I met up at Weatherspoons for a fry up ("You're never going need that much ketchup" - don't judge a man by the amount of Ketchup he puts on his plate, but by the amount he leaves on his plate - none). Once we were done with Breakfast we went and visited JR, Jo and their gorgeous little baby who is only 9 months old. We then had a couple of errands to run before returning back to Tom's for a lazy afternoon/evening with Welshy & Sally; grazing on junk food and watching films. It was a fantastic feeling being around people who had to be up for work the next day - and all I had to do was jump on a train to my Uncles.

Jo kindly picked me up from Ware train station and took me straight to a swimming pool (I needed my fix of exercise after a boozy weekend) - turns out Ware has a Lido and the chilly weather didn't put me off. After an hour of swimming I got picked up by Mark (my Uncle) in his DB9 (I'd been waiting years for him to pick me up in that beautiful car!) and shot back to his and Jo's house for a fantastic Roast dinner with Amy (my cousin) and Andy (her boyfriend). Have to say it was some of the best roast beef I've had in a long time - and that wasn't just because I'd been in South East Asia, it was delicious. It's also brilliant eating round at Mark and Jo's house because they use a lot of table ware which used to be my Grandma's (Mark's Mum); it's great to see it all being used.

The next day I had a relaxing morning with Jo, reading a book Mark had recommended (In To Thin Air - all about an Everest climb in 1996), before Jo kindly drove me over to Bishops Stortford where my brother and sister in law live. During the morning I had had a call with Chaz (whose wedding it was that weekend), the rehearsal was on Friday and me being an Usher I apparently needed to be there. Cheers for the warning - I was scheduled in for painting at David's all of Friday, not returning until Friday evening. I was a few hours early into Bishops Stortford so I found the cinema and watched the new Planet of the Apes film, which I'd give a 6 out of 10 rating. After the film I went to the pub at the bottom of David and Caz's road and was joined almost immediately by David.

Before we even got back to the house I could see the scaffolding holding the house up - coming to the end of a huge loft conversion; new set of stairs and a bedroom with an en-suite. Caz arrived home after us and we settled down for some dinner before Dad arrived. The next day we were up early to begin painting the new bedroom and the walls up the stair well. The three of us pretty much blitz the whole area and even one of the builders said he wouldn't employ us - "You've got more paint on yourselves and the floor". But by the end of the day we had got through way more than we had expected and David treated us with some beers.

Friday morning we were up early again and did the third and final coat of paint, and then David got us and the builders Fish & Chips (Cod is expensive!) We had everything completed as David wanted it so me and Dad then shot straight down to Stanstead House (the venue for the Wedding) for the rehearsal. Turned out we were an hour early, so we had a mooch around the grounds (stunning place - very English) and then found Chaz's parents, his sister Vicky and brother in law Steve. Jackie (Chaz's Mum) was stacking up the two fantastic Wedding cakes (one Chocolate - Chaz's choice - and one traditional).

After a little while Chaz, Fiona and all the others arrived for a quick run through of the next days proceedings. After all this was completed I got a lift back to the Phelans house and then went to ASK restaurant (where I worked for 2 years during my collage days) for a nice meal with Chaz's parents, Chaz, Vicky and Steve. I was then kindly gifted the sofa as a bed - think I was lucky to get anything at all as Chaz announced Friday afternoon to Jackie "It's OK that Jon, Poli and Alan stay over tonight isn't it?"!

The next day was the wedding, so Jon and I took a trip to Sainsbury's and bought a load of food in for a fry up breakfast - we then took over Jackie's kitchen for the full works; Sausages, bacon, hash browns, tomato's, mushrooms, eggs, toast, beans. It was a breakfast to be proud of.

What a Fry up!

We then all had showers and tried our hired suits on for the first time (it was lucky they fit!), we drove to the B&B, checked in and then grabbed a taxi to Stanstead House. We all had our print out's of duties for the day, listed by Fiona; this included "2pm: Greet guests and hand out order of service "Good Afternoon. Bride or Groom? Would you like an order of service?""!!! Steve, James and I practised our lines while the guests arrived.

Chaz and I get dressed up

Jon, Chaz and I larking about before everyone has arrived

Was getting nervous now

Before the Bride arrives - James, me, Chaz, Jon and Steve

The place looked fantastic and Fiona looked stunning as she walked up the isle; a beautiful white dress which took up the whole of the isle. I was sat in the 2nd row by the isle, ready to get out easily to perform my reading (an extract from Captain Corelli's Mandolin. Turns out I was first up, but I had to calculate a large step over/round Fiona's dress. I knew the reading off by heart but still had a print out in front of me; I was honoured to be asked to be Usher at the Wedding, let alone do a reading. It went well and I could then enjoy the rest of the proceedings.

The ceremony went very well; in the end it was Fiona who messed up her lines - "I give you this wing ...I mean Ring"! It was a very surreal feeling watching one of my best mates getting married, he's the first out of us guys to take the step and if the night out in Gun Wharf the weekend before hadn't made me feel old then this certainly did.

Fiona and Chaz pose for a photo

Chaz and Fiona being decorated with confetti

Once the ceremony was complete we all shuffled through into the dining areas for Afternoon tea and cake - very English indeed. We then listened and laughed at the speeches; Chaz had been quite nervous about his speech the night before and the morning of the wedding - but it was brilliant. He had me in tears of laughter at his delivery of his speech "When I met Fiona she had short hair, which I liked a lot. I asked if she'd like to meet me outside of work, so I took her to Subway." Jon's best man speech was good as well, although in my opinion he held far too much stuff back about Chaz.

Poli and I doing our Chinese tourist poses

All the Ushers and Bridesmaids with the happy couple

Early evening other guests began to arrive, including my parents and the casino tables were set up for Roulette and Black Jack. There was also a silhouette-ist - I've never seen anything like it before, but basically you sit sideways to this lady who then cuts (with scissors) the outline of your profile. It was loads better than it sounds, and was incredibly accurate. Later on a ploughman's buffet was presented and we attacked it in great force - loads of cheese and pate; delicious!

Everyone together outside Stanstead House

Jon, Chaz and I

Hey, look! It's me :s

It was a slightly different wedding because there was no dancing or music in the evening, but actually it worked really well - you could properly socialise with people and no one got too battered. The evening came to a close around 10:30 when Chaz and Fiona left, and Mum and Dad kindly gave Poli, Jon and I a lift back to our B&B.

The next day we made our way over to Phelan HQ for a huge BBQ, it had rained in the morning but by the afternoon the sun was out and we all got to sit outside and hear Chaz and Patrick (Chaz's Dad) play a number of Beatles tracks. Come 4pm Chaz and Fiona's taxi arrived to whisk them off on their Honeymoon to China and Bali, so we all got to wave them off. Poli, Jon, Chris and I stuck around for the majority of the afternoon, polishing off more the meat from the BBQ - it was awesome.

Chaz and Patrick in full swing

When I got home, Mum and I zipped over on the ferry to Gun Wharf to watch the latest and final Harry Potter. The film was brilliant, loads better than I expected it would be - makes me want to read all the books again. That night I also put my dear mountain bike up for sale on ebay, it's a lush bike which I've had some great rides on - but it's stupid to have it stuck in my parents garage while I'm abroad.

One of the photo's from my ebay advert

On Monday, I took the bike to the bike shop to have it serviced before I sell it. Then I drove the Yaris up to Bristol to see my Gran. It was great that she let me stay over the night, especially as I had only called up in the morning to ask her! She's absolutely hilarious and we had a nice time - going down to her local pub for a meal and then relaxed back at her house talking until I was almost passing out about 10pm. The next day we got up and June (Grandma's friend) came up to the house, before making our way back to the pub for a big lunch (Pie and Chips).

Sadly I had to leave after lunch because I was suddenly rushed for time seeing other people before travelling again. So I drove over to Morden (Where Jon lives) and parked the car at his and then made my way up to Pimlico where Simon and Rachel live. Simon whisked up a tasty stir fry for us and we watched a shaky England take on Wales (1-0).

The next day I met up with my old house mate Julia for lunch near Baker Street, it was nice to have a catch up with her and hear what she's up to now. Hopefully she'll be making her way out to Australia for New Years Eve. In the afternoon I zipped in and out of I.T. shops in Tottenham Court Road, bargaining down on the best deals for a little Netbook- I managed to get a little Samsung, with a RAM upgrade with about £100 off the asking price! It's a nippy little thing for how much it cost, but as it was the last one I had no choice on colour; this thing is metallic blue so looks like the colour of a Chav's car.

I then went over to meet an old uni mate of mine Noj; he now works for an Advertising agency in London, based just behind the Tate Modern. He passed me through security and we made it up to the floor with meeting rooms on; this place was awesome - it had a Foosball table, a ping pong table and a pool table. So we played some pool and Foosball while catching up and then I had to get over to Clapham to meet another old uni friend, Sarah. We went to a number of different pubs, catching up - Sarah wants to get away traveling so wanted a little advice. She's been wanting to get away from her job for a number of months now - and keeps putting the date back that she'll leave, currently it's set on January; but I bet her it would be later than that. It can be a daunting thing moving away from work and traveling, but once it's in your head and you know what you want to do you have to just do it.

That night I stopped over at Jon's place and then on the Thursday I went to Elephant and Castle to spend a few days with Larna - as she was back from Disney for 10 days. I took her to Yo Sushi (she'd never had it before) and we pigged out; Larna was a bit apprehensive but in general enjoyed it. We then stumbled on a pub/club which had 50% drinks between 5-8pm, so destroyed a number of pitchers of cocktail and saw a live band do a number of covers before leaving around 10:30.

Larna with her easy to use chop sticks inside Yo Sushi

On the Friday we got the tube up to Camden and had a Weatherspoons fry up next to the lock, we had a walk down the canal trying to find the famous Robbo / Banksy graffiti, but couldn't find it anywhere. We mooched around the market and shops; Larna bought some wicked Nike high tops and then we went down to Oxford Street and Covent Garden. After all the walking about that day we chose to order a dominoes and ate like pigs in the hotel room.

Small Weatherspoons breakfast next to Camden Lock

It was about time I got some new trainers

It was the weekend of the Thames Festival, so we made our way straight to the BFI IMAX to watch a free film - "Under The Sea" before getting to South Bank. We watched some fantastic guys doing circus tricks, then moved our way down to the OXO tower to watch some hilarious Korean clowns (juggling and beat boxing). Festivals are brilliant because if you have a good eye you can get so much free stuff - so Larna and I had a little competition of who could get the most. I was already 1 up because I had some fish from a Polish stall, it then went 2-1 as we both got some Polish cookies. At the OXO tower we both got some Whiskey 3-2. We then got down to the Barclays stage in front of the Tate Modern where we grabbed a beer and watched "Mowgli" a rated lyricist - I had high hopes, but live he wasn't so good - I'd like to hear some of his records though. We then crossed Southwark bridge which was closed off to traffic and instead was made in to a huge food festival - this year was fish themed. We managed to grab some free cake, but I got extra cookies so the score went 5-3. Larna then got some chocolate somehow so she pulled it slightly back to 5-4, before we conceded that we couldn't get anything else - I won.

At the BFI IMAX

Circus act outside the National Theatre

Mental Korean Clowns

Larna and I with our free cake on Southwark Bridge

From Southwark bridge we hopped on some Boris bikes and cycled back to the hotel to get ready for the evening. That evening we got the tube down to Morden to spend the evening with Jon and Poli who had cooked up a gorgeous Thai meal of Red Curry, Papaya Salad and Salmon Rice.

Sunday morning Larna and I met up with my parents at the IMAX to watch another free film "In To The Wild", narrated by Morgan Freeman. We then walked over the Thames and to a pub Dad had found on his iPhone; beautiful little pub where we had a beer before meeting up with David and Caz for lunch to celebrate Mum's Birthday. I'd found a nice little Italian called Satori's, the menu didn't look all that good at first but when our choice's arrived we were pleasantly surprised. Us guys chose a selection of Italian meat for starter, and they couldn't get more meat on the plate if they tried!

You meet up with the oldies and what do they do? Spend all their time texting their friends!

After our lunch we found another pub and met up with Simon and Rachel and Rachel's parents (who had had lunch together to celebrate Rachel's Mum's Birthday). It was nice to be with all the family together again laughing and joking over drinks. Once we had all parted Larna and I walked over Millennium bridge and down to the Barclay's stage where we saw GhostPoet, an artist I had heard of because he was a runner up for the Mercury Prize Award; I had already bought his album but hadn't listened to it. He was excellent live, but the weather wasn't - it stormed down and being the gentleman I am, Larna had my jacket so I was left soaking wet in a TM Lewin shirt! It was well worth it though as the music was fantastic. Once the performance was over we got changed and then headed back to South Bank to watch the fantastic fireworks they put on to end the festival, followed by a few drinks in a pub at Covent Garden.

Larna and I getting soaking wet while watching Ghostpoet

Ghostpoet in action

Fireworks over the Thames

Monday morning Larna and I got Boris bikes again and cycled round London (weather was beautiful), because it is free for the first 30 minutes of your cycle if you put the bike back in a docking station, wait for 3 minutes and then check it out again it is free! So every half an hour we were peddling like mad to find a docking station. Larna and I parted and then I drove back home and watched the final count down to my the auction for my bike on ebay. It went for £745 which I was very happy about, seeing as I got it for £1,000 (in the sale) and had had 1 and a half years of good use out it. Just goes to show if you look after your stuff it will keep going for years, so even now as it gets sold on to the next person - it looks pretty much brand new.

Tuesday and Wednesday were mostly spent packing and organising my new netbook with music etc. However I got treated to some fantastic food back home. On Tuesday Mum rustled up a delicious Roast Beef; Beef, home made Yorkshire pudding, crunchy roast potatoes, carrots, broccoli, cauliflower, parsnips and thick thick gravy! This was all followed by Mum's Summer Fruits pudding - mouth watering stuff. On Wednesday, for lunch Mum put together a wicked beef casserole which filled me up ready for my flight that evening.

Mum nibbling at our starters in the kitchen!

Oh my lord look at that beef!

Heaven on a plate

Heaven in a bowl

Mum and Dad drove me up to Heathrow where we had a coffee and then said our goodbyes. My BA flight all went well and surprisingly I managed to get a good 4 hours sleep. The films were good, I watched Senna - a brilliant documentary on the F1 driver Ayrton Senna; would recommend this film to anyone (even if you're not interested in F1), The Bridesmaids - which was recommended to me (by a girl) as "the female version of the Hangover", well it's not, apart from a couple of funny moments it's a chick flick. I arrived at 3pm Thai time and made my way over to the standard hotel near Khao San road and had a night out with Rick, Beth and Joe who I had met in Cambodia.

I had a LONG lay in this morning, jet lag means that when I got up at 3pm today it was only 9am in the UK. Had a dip in the pool and just written this at a free wifi spot in an Indian Restaurant. Now in the process of working out how (and if) I'm going to get down to Bali. Back on the road again, love it.

GIRLS!

London - Paris - Disney - Bournemouth

Literally picking up where I left off, had a smashing cup of tea from Rach in London and then we both went into town to meet Simon and David (my two older brothers). I got treated to my first ale since being back before David and then Simon turned up straight from work; it was then announced that Simon and Rachel are now engaged! So out came the Moet to celebrate - well happy for them both ...and what a coincidence, Simon presented the ring to Rach two days after all the looting in London.

Rach, David, myself and Simon celebrate with some Moet

After a boozy evening, Simon and Rach treating me to a meal (and me falling asleep at the table due to the time in Bangkok being 4am) I got up the next day and jumped on the tube over to the Euro Star. St. Pancras station was a mess, and took me a little longer to get through Check in than I had thought it would (apparently you're supposed to be there at least 30 minutes early - I was 5 minutes!) Then I was thumped back into normal London life; guys just happily watching poor ladies struggle with buggies, kids and bags on to the train - I literally helped three different Mums (one yummy) while people looked on bemused.

The journey went pretty quickly down to Lille where I had a two hour wait - so I grabbed myself a Chimay Rouge and read my book for a while. Finally I ended up at the Disney station and was welcomed by Larna - so good to see her again. We grabbed some food and caught up on each others gossip, generally laughing our heads off as per normal.

One of the days we headed in to Paris; god things were expensive 8Euros for a pint (believe it or not, I stuck to water). We went to the Louvre, I was very impressed with the building itself but the art work doesn't particularly appeal to me. There was a lot of fuss over some painting of a lady, but personally I think they were over looking the painting opposite which included a midget.

This girl cracks me up - inside the Louvre

Why is he so cold? He's got a cloak on!

Fantastic gallery

It's OK little girl, I know how you feel

Look it's a midget!

Couldn't resist the tourist photo

We then went on a walk down the Seine river, had a little look at the Pont des Arts bridge which houses lots of "Love Padlocks" and also a number of punters taking bets on "which cup has the ball" - plenty of suckers paying 50Euro notes. Following this we posed for photos outside Notre Dame and then walked round the Latin Quarter, treating ourselves to some pastries.

Love Padlocks on Pont des Arts bridge - in the background you can see Île de la Cité which houses Notre Dame

Bonjour Madame - Larna trying on french hats

Notre Dame

Oh Yes! Beautiful cheese cake

A number of the days Larna had to work, her normal shift of 3:30pm-11:30pm - so we decided to go into Disney in the morning and then I could wonder round the park on my todd before seeing Larna in action dancing in the parades and dressing up as characters. We headed straight to Crush's Coaster - the Finding Nemo ride, which was wicked before shooting off to Buzz Lightyear's Laser Buzz; which I obviously won. Was good to be back in Disney again "The Land of dreams" where no one is allowed to cry (unless their parents aren't buying them the 24Euro keyring they want), especially with Larna as she got us special treatment with skipping queues.

Mine!

DISNEY!

1million more points than you Larna

What a nutter

Larna managed to grab me some cheap lunch from back stage - check this out for a mark up; bottle of water inside the park 2.60Euros, bottle of water back stage .33cents! Then she left me to wonder Disney on my own - first time for everything, I was on roller coaster rides on my own; I'm cool.

I defo need someones hand to hold while on a roller coaster

Larna had told me she was going to be a Chipmunk at a particular place and time, so I zipped over to find her and her chipmunk friend signing kids autograph books and having photos with them. Then all of a sudden, Larna's chipmunk (the one with the light brown nose - I had been warned!) spotted me, grabbed the other chipmunk, pointed at me, pushed all the kids out the way and then the three of us had a little dance. Absolutely hilarious! Larna then continued in character (cheeky chipmunk) by stealing kids hats, posing the wrong way for photo's and generally causing mischief - very much like Larna herself. I then got to see her as a parade dancer in the Once Upon a Dream Parade, and then as a chipmunk again in the Fantillusion parade - again spotting me and embarrassing me.

Annmarie and Larna (on the right with light brown nose) before they've spotted I've arrived

Oh god, now I'm in trouble

Group photo after our little dance

Some poor little girls try to have a photo with Larna!

Once Upon a Dream Parade - Larna on the left with the orange umbrella

Fantillusion Parade - Tinkerbell with the chipmunks dancing on the left

Oh god, they've spotted me again (this time Larna with the darker nose on the left)

The following evening Larna treated me to a night out at "Buffalo Bill's Wild West Show". We had drinks in the bar where we were issued with our cowboy hats (4 teams - we were the Green cowboys and cowgirls), got to meet Goofy (we were first for photo's because it was Larna's mate Gordon) and then were shepherd into an indoor stadium. We were placed on benches with tables in front of us, where we got plenty of food and free beer. Can't say I really knew what was going on in the show, but I was waving my cowboy hat and stomping my feet when everyone else was. Fantastic night out and thoroughly recommend it to anyone heading that way.

Larna and I with our cowboy hats on at the bar

Goofy on stage with the band

Having a photo with Goofy (Larna's mate Gordon)

The next day Larna sorted out a day at Davy Crockett's Adventure park - similar to Go Ape in England. Larna had vague directions of where to get the bus to, but we ended up on an hour and a half trek through fields - climbing over fences, bridges over motorways - then eventually hitch hiked to the venue. Once we were geared up and had our safety briefing we were allowed the choice of levels 1-6, 1-2 is for kids, 3 is 25 metres high not to demanding and 4-6 are high up and physically demanding. We chose 3 to start off with and it was class - clipping yourself on to wires, walking along tight ropes and swinging down zip lines.

Zoop Zoop! Ready to go

We could pretty much handle the obstacles, but some bits were a bit tricky. Once we had finished Larna announced "Right lets do level 6" ...this girl is mental. I told her no way, she could do it if she wanted but the max I'd go to was 5 - I'm scared of heights for god sake! After she had a little paddy, she gave in and joined me on level 5; after three difficult obstacles she agreed that she was glad she wasn't on level 6.

Larna coming down one of the zip lines

Then we got to a 16 metre Tarzan jump - you have to swing from one tree and then grab on to a rope ladder; "No way" I say while hugging the tree for dear life. "Don't be such a pussy, I'll do it!" Larna responds. Next minute she's strapped to the Tarzan rope and swung across with a cheeky little scream to accompany her. God, why does this girl always push me into these things - after 5 minutes of sweating and panicking I've swung across with a huge girly scream; accompanied by the outrageous laughter from Larna. Cheers for the support.

On my last night, we took the train into Paris and went up the Montparnasse tower - 59 floors up you get a cracking view of the Eiffel tower and the rest of Paris. Absolutely wicked. The day I was leaving was Larna's 21st Birthday, we met all her friends at an American themed diner near Disney for breakfast which was great, before I had to say goodbye and jump on the Euro star back to London.

Quite a View

I got some funny looks on the Euro star and then the tube seeing as I had 2 blocks of French Brie smelling out of my bag, and a cowboy hat on my head. I spent the night at Jon's in London and then we drove down south the next morning; ready for a weekend of carnage in Bournemouth for Chaz's stag do. We picked up Chaz and Chris and shot down the road to Bournemouth where we found Andy waiting with his bike for us. Grabbing some cans of beer we got down to the beach and found a ball to play with, such a good laugh to be back with these four guys I've known for over 13 years. Jon treated us to some cheeky cocktails before we met up with a couple of Chaz's uni mates for some food at Pizza Express; don't think the families and couples in the restaurant appreciated us playing drinking games at the table.

Jon, Chaz and Andy gay it up on Bournemouth Beach

While Chaz downed his beer, Andy decided to rugby tackle him

Lads

Chaz being pretty arrogant while playing arrogance in Pizza Express

Later on Chaz's brother James and brother in law Steve showed up and we hit it pretty hard in Bournemouth, playing drinking games and checking out some fancy dancing - memory is a bit of a blur to be honest with you.

Drinking rule - if someone placed a condom on your shoulder and a photo got taken without you noticing you had to down your drink. Drink up Chris

Looks like I've been caught out here - before introducing a game, make sure you're good at it.

Phil - you're a bad man

The Phelan brothers rip it up

We were booked in for Go Ape the next day, which we sacked off for a weatherspoons breakfast - god it was amazing! I had gone over 4 months without a good English fry up, no sausages or proper bacon - it was good to be back! It was the Bournemouth air show that weekend, so we all went down to the beach and watched the planes over head - stunning weather considering that Bournemouth had been flooded two days previously. At the end of the day we heard the sad news that one of the Red Arrows had crashed on its way back to Bournemouth airport after putting on a display down by the beach, killing the pilot Flt Lt Jon Egging.

Bournemouth Beach

Shot taken from Bournemouth pier

The guys watch three planes fly over

A bomber flies over Bournemouth pier

In the evening we dressed Chaz up like a Mexican and hit the bars of Bournemouth again. We bumped into a group of girls who were on a hen do, they gave us some fantastic ideas - including a list of dares which Chaz had to do - I have made a pact so I can't go in to details ...however he did have to apply for a divorce from a stripper Sunday morning. We then got to a club called V, which is a church and had a Hedkandi night on. Some how we managed to get in to the VIP section and danced until the place closed at 3am - amazing club!

He doesn't look a very happy Mexican...

...But once you get him dancing he enjoys himself

Such a wicked club this

A few sore heads in the morning but we all made it down to breakfast for another fry up. Afterwards we went to see the Inbetweeners film, hilarious - but nothing compared to the TV series itself. Now I'm back at Tregidgo HQ looking forward to the weekend of football and nights out in Portsmouth and Reading - Bring it on.